Thursday, September 26, 2013

Dancing in a storm

Everyday is a struggle. I would be lying if I said that it isn't. Once you have crossed over into a place that is deprived of a father's love and suddenly are the source of a child's hunger for someone to hold them, love them, and comfort them, things are never the same. I think about each of my boys everyday. I miss their laughter, their touch, and even their heartbeats against my chest. And most importantly, I miss sitting down with them and witnessing to them about a God who has them held against His chest everyday and has memorized every detail about how their heart functions. I also need to remember that God knows the same about me. 

This pain has taken away the realization that God has the same type of pain. He looks at me, you, and hurts every minute knowing that we will face temptation, hurt, agonizing heartbreak, and sadness. He wants us so badly to be home and in His arms, but He has placed his children on this earth for a very important reason. You see, on the road to a perfect life in Him, we got lost and some of us still haven't found our way back to Him. He called me here so that due to the fact that I know and love a God who gave everything to be in relationship with me, I need to make it known among the broken and the tired and those who have become downcast that He has not abandoned them!! He wants them more than anything! He longs just for them to see His face again. 


THAT is why I am here. THAT is why I have sacrificed college! THAT is why I have sacrificed a future social life. THAT is why I have sacrificed the ability to have a worldly success, a future opportunity to have a high paying job, and the American dream that everyone so longs for. Because He died for me, I shall live for Him until I give out my last breath within this earth. Proverbs 13:7 says, "There is one who makes himself rich, yet has nothing. And one who makes himself poor, yet has great riches."


I did not waste 16 years of my life only to waste another. A life indulged in Christ does not begin when you enter adulthood. It does not begin when everyone thinks you have it all together. It doesn't begin when you receive a college degree or get married or have your first child. A new life in Christ begins the moment you surrender your life unto His! That is the whole point of becoming a Christian and getting baptized! Once you have accepted Christ into your life, it is time to get other people to do the same. Once you have become aware that you yourself will see God in heaven, that is the very moment where you take the broken road to save others from falling down.


So yes, everyday is a struggle. But is a struggle worth fighting through. Every time I wake up and know that I am not awaking to the laughter of my kids, I endure the heartache simply because I haven't traveled so far to fall. Everyday that I am told that what I am doing isn't right, I fight against temptation to prove that This is the one battle I refuse to lose. Every moment Satan tries to let anger and depression linger into my thoughts, I rebuke his name for the sole purpose to show that my God is greater and is carrying me all the way through this. Every trial! Every obstacle! Every single freaking mountain is SO WORTH IT because THIS IS WHAT GOD HAS CALLED ME TO DO!!!!! I praise Him in this storm so that one day I can teach my kids back in the Dominican how to dance in a hurricane that is using all its might to tear their walls down.

Monday, September 9, 2013

You called me out upon the waters

I dream about them when I am asleep. I dream about them when I am awake. I see them while watching  children at my school and church run and play. I see them when I am listening to music that talks about going out and reaching the lost. I see them every...single...day. But the thing is, I can't walk with them. I can't hug them, kiss them on the forehead, read the Bible to them, laugh with them, or run with them. I can't see their face, hear their voice, or feel their warmth as they jump into my arms. And I miss them deeply. I would give anything at this point to even hear the voice of my boys. 

It has been one month and 9 days since I have returned from the Dominican Republic , and it has felt like years to me. Although I could sit in my own pile of misery, I however will use this longing to minister to children as fuel to reach the ones that live around me. Life since my return has been anything but a walk in the park! I have been busily working to begin a movement within my own town. I am now a student leader at my school that helps guide others by being an example of Christ. I am a helper at my church's children's ministry and I also have begun a ministry organization called, "Hope Missions Ministries". It will eventually become a non profit, but for right now me and a group of peers are leading it by going out and ministering to those in the Nashville area. So, as you can tell, I have not even thought of resting since my return. I want to be so in love with God that it literally takes the breath out of me.

I know that at this moment, I will not let Satan gain control. He knows my heart for missions across the waters and will do anything in his power to ruin it for me. So instead of bowing to the evil one and wallowing in sadness while I am home, I will take this opportunity to take my bucket to the waters edge and be filled up by Christ so that when I go back (in 5 months) to my home, I will have enough of God to fill the hearts of those who are broken. Just because I left my heart in the Dominican, doesn't mean I left my God. He is my everything! He is my right now, my today, my tonight, my tomorrow, MY LIFE! And I will not fall, I will not collapse! I will not submit to failure or to doubt, or to depression for my God is so much bigger than that! He has a will and plan for my life and I need time to be filled up so that I may take my bucket full of water and distribute it to those who have become thirsty. 

Romans 15:13

New International Version (NIV)
13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.