Saturday, December 21, 2013

Selfless Christmas, Selfless Christianity

Every year, it has been the same for just about everyone. Christmas break hits and that means sleeping in, praying that you receive what you wanted for Christmas, Acknowledging God for a split second on his birthday, and stuffing your face with festive goods that will throw you in such a guilt that you make a new years resolution to run it all off only to give up two weeks down the road. And this continues to happen over and over and over again. And your children do it, and their children do it, and so on and so on and so on.... 

I woke up this morning with that very mentality. I had just spent weeks stressing and cramming for midterm exams, and all I wanted to think about was sleeping in. I woke up to a text reminding me that today was the day my ministry group visits the communities in East Nashville to give away coats and presents to those who can't afford such things. To be honest, I tried my hardest to get out of going. I was tired, it was raining, and the last thing I wanted to do was stand out in the rain and serve people who didn't say thank you and gave me evil looks. But every single excuse turned into a resolution. "My parents won't let me go without an adult." "oh," chimed my friend Allison. "Well, our Bible teacher said she could go." 

So I stomped out of bed and slowly drove my way to the Edge hill community. As we were handing out coats - Me, Ms. Trotter, and Isaac - I began to step back and realize that my attitude was in no way following up with the type of person I was proclaiming to be. In Colossians 3: 14-17 it states, "14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." 

What was I thinking? Who was I to be frustrated with how my day was going? I should be joyful, loving, and an exact resemblance with how Christ lived when He walked this earth. And above all else, it was Christmas. A holiday of not just giving, but of sacrificing. This season, God sent a savior in the form of a child who grew up only to die in our place. Why should I, after hearing that, spend any second being sluggish and iffy about spreading the love of God to those struggling to simply love themselves. 

After realizing the importance of how my day could have played out, I received a call about a struggling family who lost their mother in a car wreck. I was asked to visit with the family who lived in East Nashville, next to the Maple wood area, and tell them that our church family was going to help them. As we entered the home, a strong stench of urine reeked the place. There were bugs scrambling left and right. They have three living in the small house, 1 of them being a grandmother who is very ill and a little boy who is only 4 years old. the youngest child shares a bed with the oldest son. Every night the child pees in the bed and both continue to sleep in it due to not having anywhere else to lay their head. 

Looking back at my morning at how my mood was, how my attitude was towards the day that lay ahead (only because I wanted to sleep in), guilt resided over me. What happened to living that selfless walk Landon? What happened to spending yourself for the weak and broken hearted? God opened my eyes tonight. More so, God broke my heart in places that needed to be broken. To me, holidays are filled with comfort and family while others are burying their loved ones along with their Christmas. 

Please remember as you go about your holidays that maybe the gift your hoping for, isn't something you really need. Or that money your saving up to buy a gift for your significant other, could go towards buying a family a decent bed to sleep in without waking up the next morning reeking of bodily fluids. Remember that Christ first loved us, so we should also love one another. I love you all and have a very merry Christmas. 


Giving away coats to children and adults




The faces of joy.. utter, raw joy

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Brokenness aside

Tonight, I became broken. Tonight, I reached the end of my rope. Tonight, it was hard to see the bright side of things or any hint that things would get better. Tonight, I was lost. I know it may be hard for some of you to understand how close I am to my boys back in the Dominican Republic, but let me just tell you this. When i see a photo of them, I tear up. When I dream about them (which has been every night for the past week) I wake up crying. When other children laugh or smile around me, it feels as if they are actually sitting right next to me. I go throughout my day battling tears and tackling with letting misery take over my heart. I would be lying if I said I don't worry. I would be lying if I said I haven't grown angry with God over the last couple of months. The only way I can seem to put my heart and struggle into words is that this...is...hard.

why why why is all I can seem to ask God. Why am I here? Why do I dream about my boys? Why can't I just go and never come back. Why don't people understand? Why don't I understand? Why don't you understand? Why are you letting this happen to me? Why is it that I can sleep comfortably at night with a full stomach yet my boys have to go cold and hungry? why...why...why...

I don't know why this is happening, and I don't know what is going on with my kids back in the DR, but what I have come to know is that these issues are for God to take care of, not me. I don't need to know all the answers. In due time, God will reveal to me what needs to be revealed. In due time God will place my boys in my arms, but until then I need to praise Him in my weakness. I need to trust Him in my times of trouble. I need not to doubt for it is foolish to have trust issues with God. I need patience and understanding. I need His word. I need Jesus!

All of this has become unbearable and heart breaking, but all of this has also taught me that brokenness aside, God is who He says He is and He will take care of His children. Including me and the ones that have stolen my heart.

Psalms 34:18,
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.