Selfless Christmas, Selfless Christianity

Every year, it has been the same for just about everyone. Christmas break hits and that means sleeping in, praying that you receive what you wanted for Christmas, Acknowledging God for a split second on his birthday, and stuffing your face with festive goods that will throw you in such a guilt that you make a new years resolution to run it all off only to give up two weeks down the road. And this continues to happen over and over and over again. And your children do it, and their children do it, and so on and so on and so on.... 

I woke up this morning with that very mentality. I had just spent weeks stressing and cramming for midterm exams, and all I wanted to think about was sleeping in. I woke up to a text reminding me that today was the day my ministry group visits the communities in East Nashville to give away coats and presents to those who can't afford such things. To be honest, I tried my hardest to get out of going. I was tired, it was raining, and the last thing I wanted to do was stand out in the rain and serve people who didn't say thank you and gave me evil looks. But every single excuse turned into a resolution. "My parents won't let me go without an adult." "oh," chimed my friend Allison. "Well, our Bible teacher said she could go." 

So I stomped out of bed and slowly drove my way to the Edge hill community. As we were handing out coats - Me, Ms. Trotter, and Isaac - I began to step back and realize that my attitude was in no way following up with the type of person I was proclaiming to be. In Colossians 3: 14-17 it states, "14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." 

What was I thinking? Who was I to be frustrated with how my day was going? I should be joyful, loving, and an exact resemblance with how Christ lived when He walked this earth. And above all else, it was Christmas. A holiday of not just giving, but of sacrificing. This season, God sent a savior in the form of a child who grew up only to die in our place. Why should I, after hearing that, spend any second being sluggish and iffy about spreading the love of God to those struggling to simply love themselves. 

After realizing the importance of how my day could have played out, I received a call about a struggling family who lost their mother in a car wreck. I was asked to visit with the family who lived in East Nashville, next to the Maple wood area, and tell them that our church family was going to help them. As we entered the home, a strong stench of urine reeked the place. There were bugs scrambling left and right. They have three living in the small house, 1 of them being a grandmother who is very ill and a little boy who is only 4 years old. the youngest child shares a bed with the oldest son. Every night the child pees in the bed and both continue to sleep in it due to not having anywhere else to lay their head. 

Looking back at my morning at how my mood was, how my attitude was towards the day that lay ahead (only because I wanted to sleep in), guilt resided over me. What happened to living that selfless walk Landon? What happened to spending yourself for the weak and broken hearted? God opened my eyes tonight. More so, God broke my heart in places that needed to be broken. To me, holidays are filled with comfort and family while others are burying their loved ones along with their Christmas. 

Please remember as you go about your holidays that maybe the gift your hoping for, isn't something you really need. Or that money your saving up to buy a gift for your significant other, could go towards buying a family a decent bed to sleep in without waking up the next morning reeking of bodily fluids. Remember that Christ first loved us, so we should also love one another. I love you all and have a very merry Christmas. 

Giving away coats to children and adults

The faces of joy.. utter, raw joy

Brokenness aside

Tonight, I became broken. Tonight, I reached the end of my rope. Tonight, it was hard to see the bright side of things or any hint that things would get better. Tonight, I was lost. I know it may be hard for some of you to understand how close I am to my boys back in the Dominican Republic, but let me just tell you this. When i see a photo of them, I tear up. When I dream about them (which has been every night for the past week) I wake up crying. When other children laugh or smile around me, it feels as if they are actually sitting right next to me. I go throughout my day battling tears and tackling with letting misery take over my heart. I would be lying if I said I don't worry. I would be lying if I said I haven't grown angry with God over the last couple of months. The only way I can seem to put my heart and struggle into words is that this...is...hard.

why why why is all I can seem to ask God. Why am I here? Why do I dream about my boys? Why can't I just go and never come back. Why don't people understand? Why don't I understand? Why don't you understand? Why are you letting this happen to me? Why is it that I can sleep comfortably at night with a full stomach yet my boys have to go cold and hungry? why...why...why...

I don't know why this is happening, and I don't know what is going on with my kids back in the DR, but what I have come to know is that these issues are for God to take care of, not me. I don't need to know all the answers. In due time, God will reveal to me what needs to be revealed. In due time God will place my boys in my arms, but until then I need to praise Him in my weakness. I need to trust Him in my times of trouble. I need not to doubt for it is foolish to have trust issues with God. I need patience and understanding. I need His word. I need Jesus!

All of this has become unbearable and heart breaking, but all of this has also taught me that brokenness aside, God is who He says He is and He will take care of His children. Including me and the ones that have stolen my heart.

Psalms 34:18,
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Help Carlito go to school!

Abba, I belong to You!

A month ago, I asked God to break me. I wanted to test my faith. I desired to be stretched for Christ. I was sick and tired of reading about people in the Bible who died, cried, and gave up literally everything for the same God that I talked about and lived for so casually. And God being the God He is, did just that. He stretched me, broke me, and ripped my heart wide open. It happened so fast that I was unable to process what was happening. 

From two failed history tests, three late papers, and a D in history, to a speeding ticket and insomnia kicking back in, I began to feel completely and utterly hopeless. In my immediate anger, I released everything I could on my parents, friends, siblings, and myself. And Some people always point to girls when the word insecurity arises, but man.... I don't think I have ever felt so insecure about what people thought about me. I told myself everyday how dumb I was, how awkward I was, and how I would never come up to the standards I assumed my parents set for me. I created so many unreal scenarios inside my head that caused me to forget who the true healer of all pains, worries, and trials was. My Abba. 

I believe God allowed the world around me to seem caved in so that I would run back into His arms. Truth is, Him and I both knew I was growing distant. I became so infatuated with serving others that I forgot to make time to let My Daddy hold me. I started out with this huge bucket of water and I was to stubborn to realize that my once full to the brim basin was now dried out. I needed to be replenished. 

On Wednesday, I walked into my first worship service in weeks. I came in carrying all of my baggage and as the music began to play, my back grew heavier and heavier. I want to seem strong. I want to seem like I have this life figured out. I want to be able to have it all together. I don't want to be this failure who can't carry his own weight, but what I had forgotten to realize is that some of this weight isn't mine to carry. If it was then there would be no reason to have God look His only son in the eyes and say, "I want you to die for these children.... For my children." 

As the music made its way into my heart the spirit caused me to fall on my knees. Never in my entire life have I fallen to my knees. I have raised my hands, cried my eyes out, and shouted out His name on the top of my lungs, but never have my legs bent and crumbled under me. Well, on that day of worship my whole body grew weary. It was time to just surrender. It was time to let go and have my Poppa hold me again. 

God broke me. He tore me open. And if that's what it takes to get me to notice that my Father is never ever ever going to let me take on this world alone, then I ask that it happens over and over again. 

" I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. " - John 16:33

" Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. " - Matthew 11:28

Big Brother

When I was little, my father told me to always look after my sister. From that moment on I did just that. When she would ride her bike, I rode behind her. From the moment We started a new school until she graduated, I made sure she was okay everyday and that no one could hurt her. It was as if I had a job to do and that was to watch after one of the most important beings in my entire life. Well, now as she is off to college, she will be searching eventually for a man to take my place. So my job should be over..... It's not.

5 years ago, me and my family began a process that is still roughly happening. And that decision we made was adoption. 2 years passed and we finally got the name. Amrita. Not too long after that we received our first picture. Her eyes and smile stuck out to me more than anything. As I looked at her, I began to discover who would soon take the position of my now grown up sister. This little 3 year old bundle of happiness would soon be in my arms, but there is a problem. We keep having to wait as our missing family member is all the way across the world in India, The mother to prostitution and sex slavery. It is also home to the often practiced religion called Hinduism. 

I used to pray that we would get her home so that she could be ours, but it has become a battle within my heart because I now long for her to know that she is God's. Her hair has to be kept short so no men take her away and place her into brothels. She is being forced to wear ritual clothing and participate in the worship of the Hindu gods. We were strictly told to not share with anyone what religion we practice because she would be taken away from us. Do you know how hard it is to get on skype with her and not be able to tell her how much Jesus loves her? I now am starting to realize that at this moment, I can't protect her like I did with my older sister. I can't stand in the corner as she goes about her day. I can't protect her from boys and men who hunger to take her body. This is not my job. It has become solely Gods. 

I have had to come to terms that God created her, placed her where she is, and also placed her in our life for a reason. I do not know this reason right now, but it is not my job to search for answers. My job is however to love and trust God through this. My sister may be in a country that is ready to steal, kill, and destroy, but I worship a God who has been holding her in His arms since she drew her first breath. All me and my family have to do is wait and pray as this long process of adoption continues. I always need to be reminded how scripture tells us that we will have troubles, and pains, and hardships, but to be in peace and not worry for God has overcome all of this. And not only has he overcome what lies within the world, but He has overcome the world entirely! 

my beautiful Amrita

Dancing in a storm

Everyday is a struggle. I would be lying if I said that it isn't. Once you have crossed over into a place that is deprived of a father's love and suddenly are the source of a child's hunger for someone to hold them, love them, and comfort them, things are never the same. I think about each of my boys everyday. I miss their laughter, their touch, and even their heartbeats against my chest. And most importantly, I miss sitting down with them and witnessing to them about a God who has them held against His chest everyday and has memorized every detail about how their heart functions. I also need to remember that God knows the same about me. 

This pain has taken away the realization that God has the same type of pain. He looks at me, you, and hurts every minute knowing that we will face temptation, hurt, agonizing heartbreak, and sadness. He wants us so badly to be home and in His arms, but He has placed his children on this earth for a very important reason. You see, on the road to a perfect life in Him, we got lost and some of us still haven't found our way back to Him. He called me here so that due to the fact that I know and love a God who gave everything to be in relationship with me, I need to make it known among the broken and the tired and those who have become downcast that He has not abandoned them!! He wants them more than anything! He longs just for them to see His face again. 

THAT is why I am here. THAT is why I have sacrificed college! THAT is why I have sacrificed a future social life. THAT is why I have sacrificed the ability to have a worldly success, a future opportunity to have a high paying job, and the American dream that everyone so longs for. Because He died for me, I shall live for Him until I give out my last breath within this earth. Proverbs 13:7 says, "There is one who makes himself rich, yet has nothing. And one who makes himself poor, yet has great riches."

I did not waste 16 years of my life only to waste another. A life indulged in Christ does not begin when you enter adulthood. It does not begin when everyone thinks you have it all together. It doesn't begin when you receive a college degree or get married or have your first child. A new life in Christ begins the moment you surrender your life unto His! That is the whole point of becoming a Christian and getting baptized! Once you have accepted Christ into your life, it is time to get other people to do the same. Once you have become aware that you yourself will see God in heaven, that is the very moment where you take the broken road to save others from falling down.

So yes, everyday is a struggle. But is a struggle worth fighting through. Every time I wake up and know that I am not awaking to the laughter of my kids, I endure the heartache simply because I haven't traveled so far to fall. Everyday that I am told that what I am doing isn't right, I fight against temptation to prove that This is the one battle I refuse to lose. Every moment Satan tries to let anger and depression linger into my thoughts, I rebuke his name for the sole purpose to show that my God is greater and is carrying me all the way through this. Every trial! Every obstacle! Every single freaking mountain is SO WORTH IT because THIS IS WHAT GOD HAS CALLED ME TO DO!!!!! I praise Him in this storm so that one day I can teach my kids back in the Dominican how to dance in a hurricane that is using all its might to tear their walls down.

You called me out upon the waters

I dream about them when I am asleep. I dream about them when I am awake. I see them while watching  children at my school and church run and play. I see them when I am listening to music that talks about going out and reaching the lost. I see them every...single...day. But the thing is, I can't walk with them. I can't hug them, kiss them on the forehead, read the Bible to them, laugh with them, or run with them. I can't see their face, hear their voice, or feel their warmth as they jump into my arms. And I miss them deeply. I would give anything at this point to even hear the voice of my boys. 

It has been one month and 9 days since I have returned from the Dominican Republic , and it has felt like years to me. Although I could sit in my own pile of misery, I however will use this longing to minister to children as fuel to reach the ones that live around me. Life since my return has been anything but a walk in the park! I have been busily working to begin a movement within my own town. I am now a student leader at my school that helps guide others by being an example of Christ. I am a helper at my church's children's ministry and I also have begun a ministry organization called, "Hope Missions Ministries". It will eventually become a non profit, but for right now me and a group of peers are leading it by going out and ministering to those in the Nashville area. So, as you can tell, I have not even thought of resting since my return. I want to be so in love with God that it literally takes the breath out of me.

I know that at this moment, I will not let Satan gain control. He knows my heart for missions across the waters and will do anything in his power to ruin it for me. So instead of bowing to the evil one and wallowing in sadness while I am home, I will take this opportunity to take my bucket to the waters edge and be filled up by Christ so that when I go back (in 5 months) to my home, I will have enough of God to fill the hearts of those who are broken. Just because I left my heart in the Dominican, doesn't mean I left my God. He is my everything! He is my right now, my today, my tonight, my tomorrow, MY LIFE! And I will not fall, I will not collapse! I will not submit to failure or to doubt, or to depression for my God is so much bigger than that! He has a will and plan for my life and I need time to be filled up so that I may take my bucket full of water and distribute it to those who have become thirsty. 

Romans 15:13

New International Version (NIV)

13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Saying goodbye.

Time is almost up for me here. With three days left I look back at to who I was three days before I arrived. I was full of fear, anxiety, and doubts about what my time here would be like. I look at where I am now and am so greatful I took a step onto the plane. Not only am I returning home without fear or anxiety, but I am going home with a renewed relationship with both God and my family. We have just skyped and talked on the phone, but by just doing that we have grown closer and mended old wounds that have distanced ourselves from each other. When you do what God calls you to do he seems to bless you.. and then some. 

With three days approaching, I have had to say some goodbyes that have broken me to the core. When you spend everyday with people for two months, they become closer than you could ever imagine. The hardest thing for me is having to say goodbye to the children. Parents, I now understand the bond you have for your children and why you worry about them so much. These kids have become family and to have to let go and leave them for a very long time has brought so much pain to my heart because to not be in the know of what they are doing or if their parents are actually caring for them or if they are hanging out with the wrong type of friends scares me. That is one thing I have to learn to be at peace with. I have to have peace with the fact that I am leaving them not knowing if they are going to be okay. and it hurts 10x more when they hold onto you begging you not to leave them. Although it hasn´t hit me that I won´t be seeing the faces of the children I have grown so close to everyday, I´m sure it will when I wake up and notice that I´m a country away from them and that I won´t be going to visit them everyday. 

I´m going to miss walking into the neighborhood and having Tato and Miguel jump into my arms and them bursting out into contagious laughter after I start tickling them. I´m going to miss those long hugs Andrecia gives me when she sees me. I´m going to miss sitting with Enrique as he lays in my lap and looks up at me smiling with his crooked teeth. I´m going to miss Julie calling me crazy every five minutes. I´m going to miss little David punching and kicking me. I´m going to miss Nino sitting next to me and not getting on my shoulders, but quickly climbing on top of me when kids aren´t looking. I´m going to miss Carlito asking me loads of questions. I´m going to miss when Angelica Maria runs quietly behind me and places my arm around her. I´m going to miss Angel Manuel and how he acts cool around his friends but runs up and hugs me when his friends leave. I am going to miss all those days when I would walk into the market with Junior and Heremiah and have icecream with them as they joked about hooking me up with a Dominican girlfriend.I have grown to memorize what these kids are like and what makes them both happy and sad. They each have a special place in my heart and I thank God that they were placed before me. 

Thank you! Thank you! thank you! to those who made it possible for me to be here. A special thanks to my parents for believing in me and encouraging me throughout these two months. Thank you to Mallory, Elora, Papa K, and Stephanie for witnessing to me through your walk in Christ. Thank you Mrs. Marie, Taylor, Jordan, Mrs. Annette, and whoever else donated supplies for me to hand out to the poor here. And a big thank you to my Savior for holding my hand every step of the way. This will be my last post for a while so thank you to those who have been following and sharing my blog :) love you guys!

Carry your Cross

We were sitting on the bus on our way to a batay when me and Marcos came across a man literally carrying a cross down the highway. I laughed a bit at first at how ironic the situation was, but then I began to really process what I saw. What does it really mean to carry our cross?

In Matthew 16:24-25 it says, 


              ¨Then Jesus said to His disciples, if any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. ¨


I have read this verse over and over again wondering if I am really carrying my cross, or if I am just dragging it on the ground behind me... There is a big difference between calling yourself a christian and being a follower of Christ. Am I risking myself for the love of Christ as Stephen did when he was martyred? Am I sacraficing everything to live for Christ like Job did when he lost his family, crops, and had boils all over his body? Am I being as open about my God as John the Baptist was? And most of all, am I carrying that cross that my savior was nailed to? I am giving 100%? 

 I know that right now I might never do enough, but I won´t ever stop trying. I want to push myself for Christ, give until my wallet hurts, test my limits, go to the places where happiness is scarce. Living life being 100% with my faith is who I wish to be seen as. One of the most uplifting things about being down here is having that constant reminder of what it means to carry your cross. 

I see it in the 14 year old girl who is taking that 30% chance of living through her surgery on Tuesday. I see it in the teenager who got his arm cut off by a machete yet still goes to church every sunday to worship the God who prevented him from having both removed. I see it in the 70 year old woman living in a Hatian Batay who although is mentally challnged, led her husband to Christ and leads worship every time there is a service. 

To have a constant reminder that carrying your cross is worth every ounce of struggle gives me reassurance that All of this work I have been doing these past two months, no matter how little it has seemed, will lead others to pick up their cross as well; and when it seems as if my cross has become too heavy, I have a savior who I can lean on. 

Faith

There are just some things in life that I don´t understand. We were so close... Julie was finally in celebration that she would recieve a surgery that would save her life! Now they are saying that she has a 30% chance to live through it. Her doctor suggested that she not go through with it and to just live the 5 months she has left on earth. Just the other day she was singing and dancing and now her and her mother are crying and weeping. 

When we first recieved the terrible news, I grew frustrated with God and confused as to why He would let us get Julie´s hopes up then just take all of that hope away and replace it with a 30% success rate. But then Marcos told me what came out of Julie´s mothers mouth when asked if she wanted to go through with the surgery. ¨I rather have my daughter go out fighting with faith rather than waiting to die.¨

I now have to remember that God never leaves us. Whether he wants to keep Julie on this planet or is calling his little daughter home, He won´t ever leave her side. He´s been there since she was born and will continue to be there through her surgery and even after it is finished. 

Sometimes we just don´t understands, and sometimes we lose sight of God when all that is around us is darkness, but that is when the faith in the unknown steps in. And it´s not having faith that Julie will survive the surgery. It´s the faith that the family of Julie will accept whatever God´s will ends up being. 

As I sit here hurting for Julie, crying for Julie, and praying for Julie, I have to remember something I told myself back when I was going through moments of darkness. And that is to trust God, even when things don´t seem to make sense. Trust God even though we can´t see the end of that tunnel, or the sun during a storm, or even a 100% success rate in a heart surgery. TRUST GOD, even when things don´t seem to make sense. 

Everyone please continue to pray for Julie as her procedure starts on Monday. I will definately keep you posted. God bless.

Hope, Faith, and a little bit of dancing.

Hey friends, many things have happened in the past week, so bare with me. Last Friday, me and Marcos welcomed a mission team from Pennsylvania and they did a week long VBS. They stayed at a camp about 25 minutes away from where we live, and to our suprise another group was staying at the same camp. We had no idea what to expect, but when we arrived, the group happened to be 25 or so children doing a week long christian camp.Since I had returned from my second mission trip in February, I felt a call from God to start up a summer christian camp in the Dominican Republic. Being able to help out the counselers has given me so much hope that this is really what God wants me to do here. 

While helping out with the Christian camp, I also got to help Marcos deliver two loads of amazing news. There was a woman who lived in a house that had holes (too many to count) in her roof that was made of tin. Every time it rained, her house would flood. (it rains almost everyday here) Along with having to deal with the burden of a flooded home, she recently just lost her mother. Marcos and the Pennsylvania team felt a tug on their hearts to help out the woman, so we replaced her entire roof with brand new wood and tin. When we delivered the news, she began to weep and then ran outside and began jumping up and down and praising God. Other neighbors asked what she was doing and began to worship God along side her. 

The other bit of news we got to deliver was to a little girl named Julie. In case you didn´t know, Julie is 14 years old and was born with a heart defect that is slowly killing her. When doctors gave her a checkup, they told her she had 1 year left to live if she didn´t have surgery done. Well, by the grace of God a mission team from South Carolina donated the money to have the surgery done!!! When we told little Julie, she took chalk and ran over to a wall and drew the words, ¨I get to live!¨ then proceeded to start dancing and shouting, ¨I get to live!!! I get to live!!!¨

Sometimes, I feel like I´m not doing enough here. I feel as if I can do so much more, than I remember these stories and begin to realize that no, we can´t help everyone, but like Mother Teresa once said, ¨We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean, but the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.¨

Some of the kids from the christian camp that stole my heart

The wonderful Pittsburgh team 

Little Julie. 

The Little Things

I arrive at the market and the first face I see is his. The 14 year old kid wiped sweat from his brow and ran over to the car with a smile stretching from ear to ear. He had holes in his shirt and shorts, his shoes were broken, and he had been standing outside for hours washing cars. "Landon! Landon!" he shouts. He then greets me with a big hug.

To most, he's a begger, but to me he is one of the most joyful and humble kids I know. He is not allowed inside the market because he is a street kid, so he stands outside washing cars until dawn only to recieve a dollar a day. I would give him anything if I could but whats best now is to give him a friendship. He needs someone who doesn't look at him disgusted and walk away fast. He needs someone who can be there for him. I can't speak to him that much due to my lack of knowlege for the spanish language, but I love to just sit with him. 

That's the best someone like me can do at the moment, and sometimes that's the best thing to do. At times, building walls or giving out food can be helpful, but in some cases, the best thing is to live out the little things with people. To sit with children, carry little ones on your back, hold a little girls hand, play tic tac toe in the dirt, laugh until you cry with kids who think jumping up and down in a video is the funniest thing ever to occur on this planet, to hear an elderly woman give her story while sitting in her home with all her grandchildren in your lap. Sometimes, those moments will do alot of helping. It will cure alot of pain and can rejuvinate a huge amount of hope. To get it into the Dominicans minds that your not here to just build then leave strengthens alot of trust and love in the bond of your relationship with them. That's how I want to live out my life. I no longer wish to take living for the little things for granted, because I have now met people who can't afford living for anything bigger. 

Break our hearts for what breaks yours

Today we visited Brises Del Mar. As I was riding through the barrio I could here kids in the distant shouting, "landon! landon!" out of no where three familiar faces came running up to the car. It was Tato, Miguel, and their cousin whose name is too long to remember (but I'm trying). They are kind of the outcasts of the neighborhood. Other kids make fun of them and call them "dirty" but to me, I've never met such joy filled children. Their parents don't attend church, but that doesn't stop them from going. They have little food, but they still offer what they have to me every time I see them. I am so thankful that God has placed them in my lap.

While walking down the road with the three, I came across a boy named Ellian. He is both deaf and mute, but can say maybe 1 or 2 words. They said he would never be able to speak, but hey... that didn't stop him from trying. Today it was difficult to keep him quiet haha! He shot down a bird with a slingshot and was yelling and laughing and showing everyone what he caught. 

As we continued down the road, we met a little boy who had been left outside by his parents. No one was home and he was about 2 years old. He had wet himself and was just sitting in the middle of the road. I still picked him up and spun him around. His facial expression of fear instantly vanished and a huge smile spread across his face. 

These group of kids have broken my heart. They are so happy and so joyful and deserve to be liked, deserve to speak and hear things and have parents who won't leave them, but what I have come to understand is that if we let God break our hearts for what also breaks his, we can be opened up to more things than ever before. These kids stories have broken me, but the fact that they still smile, laugh, and look at life positively grows my heart and strengthens my faith so much. It also shows me that even the least of these can have more than those who are better off than them. 

Tato

Miguel

Villa Hermosa

57 As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.”58 Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”59 He said to another man, “Follow me.”But he replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”60 Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.”61 Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.”62 Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

The scripture above is what I live by. I have spent my whole life sleeping, and now that I have been woken up, nothing is stopping me from resting. I want to live every moment, everyday, proclaiming the truth of Christ to the rest of the world. 

He was 15. He had no idea why he had gotten on a plane to travel to a country he had never been. The Principal of the school said that if you went, you would be out of school for a week so that is what drew him in. He had no idea what God was going to do in his life. His first day there, a little 6 year old boy ran into his arms. He had never met the kid yet the boy had already shown him an immense amount of love. By the end of his trip, he was in tears. He was so broken because he knew that he had been throwing his life away for such a long time. He was a lukewarm christian who focused more about being socially accepted rather than accepted into God's kingdom. And there he was in a third world country surrounded by children showing him the love he had never thought existed. Giving him the hope to carry on when he thought he'd ran out years ago. Showing him the faith he had forgotten about for a long time.

Now here he stands at age 16. He had found the love, hope, and faith given to him and is now spreading it to others who were once in his position. He has become selfless instead of selfish. He has given up his life of comfort to live the life of sacrafice. He has decided to not make his mission just coming on a one week trip once a year to a foreign country. He has decided to make his home amongst the poor and powerless. He shall eat with the poor. Work with the poor. Sleep amongst the poor. Cry with the poor. Experience life with the poor. The poor shall become his family and he shall become theirs. 

Over the past two years, God has guided me to a place called Villa Hermosa. It is a very large and rough area of the Dominican Republic, but being a missionary is about risking yourself for the love of Christ. Some may agree with me or disagree with me about what I'm going to do, but I'm not turning down a call from God because people don't like what I'm going to do. God wants me to move out of the United States next year after I'm finished with highschool and make my home in Villa Hermosa. College is a thing to talk about later, but for now this has become my decision. 

Today I got to walk around where I want to live, and immediately I drew a crowd of followers. I turned around to find about 15 boys and girls going wherever I went. I look back to when I first came here. I was young and clueless as to what was going to happen. I look at my life and am thankful that the one boy who ran into my arms has now turned into 15 smiling and crazy kids jumping, climbing, hugging, and laughing on and with me. Praise God that a kid who thought he would go no where in life has turned into a young man who has made something of himself.

There will be a day

It has officially been one month since I have left the comfort of my home and moved here where the broken meet the broken. To say that my life has been changed would be an understatement. I have seen and witnessed some breathtaking things and met some very amazing people. I always have to remind myself ,however, to not look at all the bad in this country. Yes, there is alot of heartbreaking stuff that occurs down here, but there has also been things that have mended some much needed areas of my heart.

While walking down the street and seeing children digging through garbage I have to remind myself that those children will most likely feed those in their family first with what they've found and then see what's left for them. While seeing a young boy doing work that an adult should be doing 

I have to remind myself that he probably doesn't have a father and is doing what he can to support his family back at home. When I see very skinny women or girls selling fruit or other types of food on the side of the road, I have to remind myself that they are willingly selling food rather than falling into prostitution.

If you look at this poverty long enough, you'll begin to see the hope that lies within it. You'll meet some amazing people who literally have nothing, yet have anything they could ever need.

She sat down with me and began to explain why she had that hurt in her eyes. I can't remember her name, but her story will stick with me until I die. She lost her husband 4 months ago and while dealing with her grief, she lost her son to sickness. While battling immigration paperwork and money to feed her two kids, she was diagnosed with cancer. She was left with no other options. She had no money to pay for dinner let alone hospital bills, so she became a prostitute. One day she attended a church service. The pastor called her up and knew what she was battling, so he prayed for her sickness to go away. A week later, she went back to the doctor to find that her cancer had gone away.

He was a police officer waiting in the back of a very long line for a clinic a mission team was running. Marcos spotted him and began a conversation. The man had told him that he had very bad vision problems and that this would be his only day to be looked at, for he had work the rest of the week. By God's grace he was taken to the front to be seen. There was only one pair of glasses that could fit with how bad his sight was. When the man placed the glasses on his head, a smile appeared accross his face. He then walked outside and began to weep shouting on the top of his lungs, "I can see! I can see!" The man spent the rest of his day taking in God's beautiful creation.

I see many torn up hearts in this country, but every now and then I come across people like the ones I explained in this post. It makes me leap in my heart because they understand. They understand that even if they have close to nothing, there will be a day where they will have everything. They understand that even if they have no one, there will be a day where their father will be their one and only. They understand that even if they are hungry, there will be a day when there will be no such thing as hunger. That's the faith we all need to have and hold onto. we all always seem to ask the question "why God" when we hear stories or meet people who are poor, but what we regret to understand is that some of these "poor" people have never even asked that question because they are too busy praising God for loving them when no one else would. 

Walking

One of my favorite things to do down here is walking. Many mission teams come down here and do work then leave without forming any type of relationships with the people living here. Although they do an amazing job at providing needs, they never get to witness what love and joy the people living at the place their serving have. 

For the past two weeks, I have been visiting Brises Del Mar and instead of doing VBS or construction all week, I have walked. I leave the team working and walk with people who want to walk with me. I visit their houses, meet their family, play with their children, and just simply walk with them. 

I get to see the children and adults for who they really are. I've met a woman trapped in prostitution because she can't find another way to earn money to feed the mouths of her two children because her husband and youngest child died recently. She has been drowning in grief for so long, and recently had to battle cancer, but she hasn't lost sight of Jesus. In the midst of all of her pain and mistakes, she still holds onto her savior.

I have met a mother and son who were both mentally challenged. They have little money, little amounts of food, no father, yet still seem to smile. They are sick at times with no medicine to take, yet still have hearts of joy.  I also met a woman who had severe autism yet walked to church everytime there was a service. She can't function like normal people, but she sure knows how to worship her creator. She sings the songs, closes her eyes and worships, and sits front row.

I have met a little boy who is both deaf and mute. He can't hear his parents when they tell him they love him. He doesn't have much friends because he was no way to conversate with them. He doesn't know sign language and can't read, but he has a heart. He has a smile. He has a laugh that is contagious. He knows how to love. 

I never knew how big of an impact it would have on me to just walk with the poor. To sit with the poor. To cry with the poor, and to laugh with the poor. I always question myself as to who has been poor this whole time.... Me or these people. I have clothes, food, a house, and money all of which will either erode, dissapear, or decay. These people I've met have joy, faith, strength, love, hope, and courage all of which are needs to be able to survive. 

I'm so overwhelmed to the point of tears due to the fact that I've missed the bigger picture of this life I have been destroying for so long. Life isn't about comfort. It's about community. It's about lifting your brother up. It's about not making sure that just you get to heaven, but that others around you get there as well. It's about standing so those weaker can sit. It's about going without food so others can stay alive. That is the meaning of life, and by walking with these people, I have now come to terms with how I need to live out the rest of my life.

I encourage you to do the same. Don't miss the opportunity when it comes, for you could miss out on some amazing testimonies and some wonderful people. This journey has been one heck of a ride and I'm not hessitant at all to get off. 

Alex

The happiest person I know

The face of Joy

These kids are why I'm here

My Mission

Have you ever just sat alone and took into depth of what Christ really did for us? He didn't just get up on a cross and call it a day. Jesus lived out his life serving and serving and teaching and preaching to the point of death. He worked himself until it was his time to go, and he didn't even deserve the death sentence he recieved. A man with no chains... A man with no sin... A man burdenless looked at all of us, murderers, liars, cheaters, hearts filled with hatred, and took the fall for it. he threw himself into the train that was supposed to hit us instead. Every time a string from the whip tore off his flesh, He did it so we wouldn't have to. When soldiers drilled nine inch nails into His hands and feet, He endured it so we wouldn't have to. As his children laughed, mocked, cursed, and spit into his face, his heart was screaming, "This is for you!". 

I look at my life and wonder what I can do to repay such a thing done for me. I have searched all my life for that answer and it wasn't until this month that I discovered it. Jesus came into this world to start a movement that we need to finish. He sparked a flame that we need to keep lit. Jesus Christ began a revolution that we need to win. Even though what I can do won't come close to repaying what was sacraficed for me, it can help bring others to him. I want to live exactly as Jesus lived.

I want to give sermons on the mount. I want to feed 500 empty stomaches. I want to heal the sick, make the blind see, and stand up for those who have persecuters getting ready to throw stones at them. You see, just because you read the stories that occured in the Bible doesn't mean that they need to be left in the book. Who says his followers can't make happen what Paul did. What Peter did. What Jesus's disciples did? The world has blinded all of us with so much comfort that we consider being a christian going to church every sunday or dusting off the Bible every now and then.

God called us to do one thing, and that is to make him known! There are so many people who sit at home with so much knowlege and such a strong faith yet they don't use it to the advantage of the lost and broken. The Bible is our medicine to bring the sick back to life. It is the sheild to deflect any false teaching. It is the hope that can be given to those who are hopeless. I have decided to go out and do what Christ has been waiting for us to do all this time, and I ask you to take that leap of faith as well. 

Fill Me Up

I apologize for not posting anything lately. I just have had alot that I've needed to process through my mind and pray about. My faith has definately been shaken these past few days. I have come to realize that you can't help everyone. 

When your mind goes into missionary mode, you have this mindset that you can help everyone, when in reality, you just have to step back and let God take over. 

A couple of days ago, I witnessed a terrible wreck involving a tour bus and a truck. Many people lost limbs and lost lives. I saw things that you would only see in horror movies. Things were burned into my memory that I probably won't ever get rid of. 

I also saw children at the age of 8 getting drunk as their parents sat back and laughed. I see kids being influenced by parents who drink, deal and sell drugs, go to women as an escape, leave them outside for the night so mommy can do some "business" inside the house with a customer. What I witnessed was true and utter pain. A type of pain that is only told in books or on tv. 

                        Like I said, you can't help everyone

But it is wrong and causes erosion of the heart to focus mainly on the negative things I've seen. With this pain, I have witnessed things that will always test my faith in a good way. I have met a pastor who gets up at 4 in the morning and prays until 7, and then prays with his wife for 3 hours before he goes to bed. I have seen the glimmer in childrens eyes as they recieved a 25 cent toy. I have seen A man tell a woman about her past and how God has amazing plans for her without even meeting her before. God has tested me and strengthened me at the same time.

Even though I may not be able to help everyone, I can still ask God to fill me up with faith, hope, and courage to accept the things I cannot change, and to fill me up with preperation for what lies ahead. There is a song I encourage all of you to look up tonight and listen to. It is called Fill Me Up by Jesus Culture. Please just take what is said in that song and apply it to your life. I have been broken and confused in the past couple of days and this song described what I must do.

I need to set aside the problems. Set aside the pain. Set aside the unknown, and just ask God to take control and fill me up with as much faith and love as He can, to the point where I explode. Let go and Let God.

The Young and the Selfless

The past two days have been very humbling and emotionally unbearable, but unbearable in a good way. This week, I helped a mission team work a medical clinic and Vacation Bible School. The first thing that came to mind was KIDS! For some reason, God has given me the gift of connecting on a emotional and spiritual level with children and teens, and I jump at the chance to get to help out kids. 

I met a group of poverished young boys this week who stole my heart. It wasn't by how cute they were. It wasn't because they were funner to be around. It was because of their humblness and selflessness they had inside themselves. I have all my needs taken care of here. I have food, shelter, and water. 

Yesterday, after the VBS team finished they went home, but I decided to stay until the medical team was done with exams. During that time the group of boys invited me into their homes. They offered me drinks and food and had me sit down as they stood. They had me meet their families and gave me things. 

My heart instantly broke in so many pieces. They have very little and decided to share with me  the little that they did have. I learned a thing or two from them. I learned that no matter what, to live life selflessly. Even if that means going without water for a couple of days just so a guest could have something to drink. Even if it means giving up your lunch for the day just so someone else doesn't have an empty stomach. 

 Here I was thinking I was the one giving to the needy, when I was the one in need all along. It isn't all about having food to eat or water to drink. It's about the inside of your heart. I have met people who are richer than I will ever be yet don't have shoes to put on their feet. They get it. They understand that objects and worldly things don't redeem you. God redeems you. 

My Flesh May fail, but God you never will

Today brought out many emotions. The mission team ran the first ever medical clinic in Brises Del Mar. Many people were helped, but it was the ones who were turned away that hit me the most. From a Child at age 2 who was dehydrated to the point of nearly dying in the medical teams arms to a kid who was badly burnt on the foot ( which would heal if he could keep it clean with purified water, but sadly doesn't own any) that is now open to infection, I had to ask God why? What am I supposed to do in this situation? Then it hit me. 

We come here as missionaries and build walls and heal the sick but what we forget to realize is that in the end, buildings will decay, people will get sick again, and water will disappear. So what's something we can give to them that won't ever leave? FAITH. To build a house for someone is good "work" but to build faith from God into someone is "mission work". 

So, when it comes to those we can't help physically, we must do what God has called his missionaries to do all along. Give them faith. In the end, our body will erode. In the end, our health won't matter. In the end, it's your faith that stays. The most important things is to make sure who you put your faith in. 

You can't put your faith into money, a spouse, a house, clothes, self comfort, shoes, or your health, because when it comes your time to leave this earth, if you've placed your faith into those things, you'll have nothing to show to God. All of those things would have vanished with the rest of the world. Place your faith in Christ for he never dies. He never runs out. He never walks away. He is eternal and therefore your faith shall be also. 

I may be weak, but you spirit is strong in me.

The past few days, many physical and emotional things have been happening. Yesterday, I forgot to drink barely any water all day, and because of it I woke up this morning very weak and dehydrated. While in the DR you sweat every second of the day, indoors or outdoors. So to have no water intake causes severe dehydration. I woke up this morning planning on doing construction all day, but things quickly changed. 

By the time I got out of bed I decided that there was no way I would be working, no matter what Marcos said. I then sat down and began to read my devotional. It talked about being joyful and loving throughout your day. I closed my eyes and began to pray that no matter how much pain I was in, that I would work with a joyful heart. So I did.

We first stopped at Villa Hermosa to say a quick hello to some people then headed out to Brises Del Mar to do construction. Just seeing the sun while getting out of the car made my head throb, but I remembered my devotional. It began to become too much and I told Marcos that I couldn't do construction, but that I didn't want to stay home. I needed to push myself for the love of God. So I stood outside and got to meet some people and get to know them. 

I met a Hatian family who literally had a house maybe a bit bigger than a closet and still smiled. They all lived among thousands of flies, their food had bugs in it, all of their fruit was spoiled, and the children seemed sick, but they still had JOY. 

I was quickly thankful that I didn't stay home. It showed me that their are other people who are hurting but still don't lose sight of Jesus. As I went throught my day today and yesterday I also saw people who were hurting. People who were in pain mentally and physically, yet still smiled. I saw a man with no arms begging on the street. I saw a woman who was mentally dissabled begging on the street. I saw people naked. People with no legs, people who were blind, begging on the street. Yes, they were all begging, but there was one thing I could see in all of them. JOY. I don't know if they knew Jesus, but they showed more Joy than I had and here I am professing to be a Christian. 

No matter the pain, weakness, hurting, dissabillities, never lose sight of your creator. He created us to endure pain and lean on him when we don't think we can handle it. You see, it's not about your weeknesses. It's about the strength of God's spirit inside you that matters. When judgement day comes, even the healthiest man alive could be turned away. I'ts about the joy... the Spiritual Strength... and the blind faith that gets you through those gates. 

Please continue to keep not just me, but the family I'm staying with and the people I mentioned in this post in your prayers. 

Home is where the heart is

Some use the word "home" when referring to the place they rest their head at night. I look at "home" as to wherever my heart rests its head at night. Now I do not know if the Dominican Republic will be the place I live in for the rest of my life, but I'm positive that at this moment, my heart has made itself home here. This is my home. In a place where poverty meets passion. A place where blessings overflow the broken. A place where there are odd smells, bugs around every corner, no air condition, water every other day, children begging on the street, dogs and cats roaming all over, and even a place where a white person is rarely present for more than a day. That is what I call home.

Today has been filled with many emotions. I spent my morning through afternoon playing and spending time with the kids of Villa Hermosa. What stands out the most to me is how seperated the street kids and the school kids are. I would spend every second with all of them if I could, but the neighborhood kids aren't aloud in the school and the school kids aren't aloud in the streets until school lets out. I had to go back and forth from talking and playing with the street kids to doing the same with the school children.

Even though at times today it was difficult, I enjoyed every minute of it. I met some old faces and even some new faces today. I said some goodbyes in my heart to some who had moved away in the last couple of months as well. To be away from children who stole your heart hurts, but to return to find that some had moved away broke my heart completely. I can only pray that God had impacted them through me in some way.

I am once again very thankful to those who helped raise money for me to be here this summer. It has been only one week and I have already been moved in many ways. I do not know what lies in my future completely after high school, but what I do know is that once I hit 18, I am moving out of the United States. my home will then be decided on wherever God and my heart takes me. It may be here.... or Africa... or Russia.... or Haiti.... who knows... but I do know that after living so long in a country where everyone feels too comfortable with their life, it's time I stand up and find a place outside of my comfort zone. You see, God did not call us to be safe. He did not call us to feel comfort. He called us to go make disciples of the nations. 

Trust God

Hello everyone! Things are going good here for me! I rode a motorcycle for the first time in Dominican traffic! If you didn't know already, there are  pretty much no laws when it comes to driving in the DR. Everyone just drives however they want to, so it was a big deal when I finally rode on a motorcycle haha.

I think one of the most challenging things I have to deal with on a day to day basis is speaking spanish. I barely know any so I have a hard time communicating with children and adults. Another thing that has become challenging is trusting people I have become close to down here. A couple days ago I donated a handful of backpacks to a school in Villa Hermosa. Yesterday, the prinicipal sent me a picture of Chino and his siblings and grandmother holding 4 of the backpacks. Today when I visited the family, something unexpected left her mouth. 

When I sat down with the grandmother, she said she needed backpacks. That means she or another family member sold or took the backpacks I had given to them. Why would this happen? Why would adults deprive a child of a gift that was given to them?

As I began to grow angry I realized not to lose sight of God. He has a plan and reason for all that is happening. I may not know it now, but I just have to put my trust and faith in him. I encourage you back at home to trust God throughout your day, even if things don't seem to make sense, because he has a reason for all that is happening. Just because you can't see the end of the tunnel right now, doesn't mean it has ended. Be patient and God will provide.

Street Ministry

Today I spent my time with the mission team from Tennessee. We went to the a store similar to Walmart but dominican style called "Jumbo". The minute I arrived, God spoke to me to help someone. I had no idea who, but I felt the need to help someone. Usually I would think that He would call me to help people when I was in Brieses Del Mar or Villa Hermosa, but for some reason He tugged on my heart to help someone at a place where most wealthy people shop. 

While the rest of the team shopped and ate ice cream, I stood by the opening door to Jumbo and looked outside to see two little boys begging on the street. I immediately called them over and took them inside for some ice cream. Then I began to get to know them. I learned that they were Christian but didn't attend church. They also never owned a bible and their father was not Christian. 

after they finished their ice cream they went outside to wash windows and beg again. God spoke to me told me I wasn't finished with them just yet. I then went inside and bought two Bibles and gave them to the boys (Junior and I can't remember the other boys name). They got big smiles and thanked me. God still wasn't finished with me. I opened up a handbook I had and began to tell them how Money does not save you, but God saves you. Then I read them scripture.

I got on the bus and watch as the boys proceeded to gather a group of people around them and began reading the Bible and telling others what I had done and given to them. Multiple adults walked up to the bus and asked me to come out and then told me that they wanted a Bible too. I had no more money at the time, but I told them that I would return. 

I owe all of what happened to God. He spoke through me today and because of that others were witnessed to. God works in some amazing ways and I thank Him for calling me to be here in the Dominican Republic. 

What I would lke to tell you guys and encourage you to do is to be a witness everywhere you go. Not just on a mission trip once a year or at church on Sunday morning, but everyday and everywhere. People believe that there could only have been disciples in the Bible and that after it was finished, there are no such things, but that is false. God has called his children to prosper his Kingdom. What will you do today to grow his kingdom?