Thursday, June 26, 2014

His still small voice

¨I want to go home¨.......

For the first two weeks leading up to this one, that is all I could seem to think each day. From seeing the lives of the kids I have been witnessing to fall apart to being overwhelmed by mission team after mission team, the phrase I thought would never came to mind, could not leave my head. As Each day passed, the mosquitoes seemed as if they had multiplied, the temperature had risen, and the showers got colder. I love this country and while in the states, this place was all I could talk about... But for the past few weeks, I just have wanted to be with my family. I have desired a nice, comfortable bed with good air conditioning, warm showers where I have time to think, and even a nice glass of sweet tea. All the other times I have been here, things have gone as planned and it was happiness. I knew the day would come where God would reveal things to me in this culture that would break my heart, but I never knew that it would be thrown at me within the first week of my arrival. 

I´ve been weak, I´ve been tired, and I hadn't seemed to find a  place to rest from all of this. 

But I knew God was there. 
I could not see him.
I could not feel Him.
But I was waiting patiently for His still small voice to arrive.

And it did. 

It had been a day to unwind at Hope mission. The South Carolina team was wrapping up their VBS and medical clinic, and things were going smoothly. As I entered the gates of the vacation bible school, a small 5 year old boy caught my eye. He sat in the hot sun with a large burn streaked across his face. Where it came from, I do not know, but it was infected and he was rubbing dirt in it. I looked for his mother, but she had dropped him off and went home. So, I picked him up and held him. Within ten minutes, he was sound asleep. And for a short moment, everything went silent. I could not hear the children playing. I could not hear the teachers teaching. All that was brought to my ears was the little sounds this child made. And in this moment of beauty and silence, I could feel and see and hear Jesus. When I felt his heartbeat against my chest, I could feel Jesus. When I saw his eyes flutter and when he moved in his sleep, I could see Jesus. And carried by the sound of his calm breaths was the sound of Jesus playing in my ears. 

For two weeks, he seemed absent. For two weeks my prayers seemed unanswered and I felt at loss. But now, while holding this child, this angel of the Lord, He was everywhere.... In the trees that swayed when that brief breeze halted the continuous heat from the sun..... in the hearts of the sick as they stepped out of line to let the ones more ill in. Everywhere... Jesus was everywhere. 

It can take the simplicity of things not going the way you wanted them to, to completely cause a downfall in your heart and your spiritual walk, but something as small as a child falling asleep in your arms can cause the truth of why you´re at the place that you are at to consume you once again. I have struggled and I have been broken, but after holding one of God´s children... I am reminded of my reasoning behind this trip. So bring on the heat.. bring on the drought... bring on the bugs that bite and the bone chilling water. Let it cause me to be physically ill if it comes down to it.... But I will not let the thoughts of the world overwhelm my willing spirit and strength in Jesus. I am a soldier of God, and a soldier of God does not give up because things get hard.... 

Romans 8:18
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Noel sound asleep

They just opened it and started reading :)

Enjoying the free toys from the South Carolina team

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