Living out a dream that's not my own

Who knew that three years from Sophomore year I would be investing my time into hundreds of poverty stricken children who lack the love of Jesus let alone investing my time in a relationship with Jesus Himself. Who knew that one week long trip three years ago would turn into a life long commitment. Who knew that one teen convention three years ago at Lee University would light a spark in my heart for cross cultural missions. Who knew that a conversation with a woman pursuing medical missions three years ago would cause a longing to see hungry children fed physically and spiritually. Who knew that a personal dream to pursue acting would turn into God's dream for me to pursue children and teens hungry for grace in the Dominican Republic. Who knew..... 

I have had to sit down and process what occurred on my previous trip back to the DR last week. I can honestly say it hasn't been anything like the other three trips, including my two month journey there over summer break. Hearts were broken, relationships grew, and Jesus impacted lives like never before... including mine. I went into this trip with a plan, not only for the week but for what was to happen afterwards as well. All of it.... my plans.. my future... was shattered. I can't really tell when it hit me that God had a bigger plan for me and the Dominican Republic. So much happened in the little amount of time that we were there that I really don't know what to think. All I know is that I had plans to attend a 6 month program called YWAM when I returned home after this summer, and now God just wants me to go ahead and move there. 

It all could have hit me when I sat down with Elmun, a boy I have grown to love over the past 3 years, and saw his broken spirit as he explained that his father drinks too much and sometimes lays his hands on the child. It could have hit me when I saw a little boy who hadn't eaten in several days, yet walked up front during an alter call to accept Jesus. It all could have hit me when I held 7 year old Chino in my arms as He cried out for God to enter his heart. All of these impacting moments made me realize something. God doesn't need me in 2 years when I graduate a discipleship program. He doesn't need me when I have a college diploma in my hand or when I find my wife. He needs me now.... there are children who need the gospel now... there are prostitutes, gang members, and drug users who need the gospel of the living Jesus Christ now... 

There is this ocean. And this ocean is deep and dark and no man would dare enter it... but my Abba is asking me to dive right in with no hesitation. With love comes trust, faith, and sacrifice. This ocean.. this sea on unknown is the Dominican. It is my Ninevah. When I arrive, i have no idea what will happen... but that's the best part. I have wanted to plan out and know exactly what I will be doing for my entire life. There has been no trust or faith or sacrifice to hold up the meaning of my love for Jesus. And now... If I want to love God with all of my heart and with abandonment, I must sacrifice. I must have faith that when moments of unknown come my way.. I will not fall to hesitation. I will rise. I will rise above the waves of the powerful ocean and take hold of Christ's hand just as Peter did when he turned his eyes away from the Lord. I want Jesus.. I want him now and tomorrow and the next day and for eternity. If there is no proof backing up my audible "I love yous" then how can I live out this dream of being with Jesus for eternity..... And it hits me... for us to be rewarded with our dreams of eternity with Jesus.. we must fulfill God's dreams for us. And with love and action and truth. 

The Love of a Father

Today, something amazing happened. A man by the name of "Papa Joe" came to our school to give his life story and the meaning behind the movie created after him called "Unconditional" (Which I highly recommend) To summarize his testimony, Papa Joe grew up with a rough life centered around pride and an absence of a father figure. As he grew up and after a serious downfall in his life leading to 8 years in prison, Joe encountered what it meant to love and be loved by a Father who would never leave or abandon Him. A father that is always protecting and prospering His children that choose to surrender to Him. After being released from Prison, Papa Joe moved down to a very poor area in Nashville where he met his wife and began a new life with her. 

Something amazing happened within those first few months in the projects. God gave Joe a heart for children. And not just your average child, but the ones who were broken and without fathers. one after another, children began to gravitate to his home and as his ministry began to grow, so did the love and power of Christ through Papa Joe. He went from just handing out candy to kids, to feeding entire communities and mentoring kids all across Nashville and the rest of the country. 

I think it was God's doing bringing that man to my school, for his words and testimony is exactly what I've been needing to hear. At this moment, I have over 100 children in the Dominican who desire a relationship with both an earthly and heavenly father. When I see his ministry, I can picture what I want mine to look like in the upcoming years. I don't see college on this road I'm walking, nor do I see a big house with a cheeky "suburban" family and luxurious lifestyle. But what I do see is myself after a long day, covered in dirt and sweat from helping, loving, and serving the least of these. And in my eyes... right now the least of these are those children who are growing up in homes that are bound to cave in on them if they don't have a father figure to hold up the foundation. I could easily brush this dire need off my shoulder and say "someone else will do it" or I can get up, pack my things, die to myself, and live the rest of my life thriving and loving as Jesus did. I am on this earth to be in complete surrender to God, not in complete surrender to comfort. 

I look at Chino, Nino, Angel Manuel, and Angelica Maria, who have lost their father to suicide, and wonder who in the world is going to take them in. Then I ask God... "Did you Oh Lord.. want me.. of all people.. to guide these children." and the Bible verse Matthew 25:35-40 comes to my mind and pierces my heart.

   " For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me." 

As these finals days of preparation for my return to the Dominican Republic approach, I am overwhelmed with the sure fact that in just days I will get to go on a plane, walk into one of the most dirtiest and dangerous neighborhoods, walk up to Chino, Nino, Manuel, and Angelica Maria and give them the biggest hug you could possibly imagine. And I love them, not because they are poor... or because they have no Father.... but because when I see them.. I see Jesus. And I am to treat these beautifully broken children as I would treat my Abba Father. God bless you all and please keep me and the teams in your prayers as we venture out into the unknown next Monday. 

A friend. A brother.

Hey everyone! It has been a while, I know! After 12 years of schooling I am still trying to figure this stuff out. I am now at T-minus 11 days until I return to the Dominican Republic for a 1 week mission trip with my school. It is tough to enter a country for a short amount of time after you've spent an entire summer there, but I'm just happy that in under two short weeks I will be reunited with the same wonderful hugs and kisses from the same wonderful kids that stole my heart this time two years ago.

On another note, God has been doing some amazing work in my life. To start, After going to a Christian convention called "One Thing" with my senior class in December, God has placed a 6 month program called YWAM in my path. I will be attending classes late August. But before I get to the direction God has me headed in, I'd like to talk about someone who he has placed in my life to walk this road of wonder and unknown with me. No relatives who always ask if I have a girlfriend, it is not one of those bizarre creatures. Rather, it is someone I have been praying for God to place in my life for a very long time. For years, in fact.

For the longest time, I was very very infatuated in finding a "bestfriend". Everyone around me all my life had at least one person that they grew closer to than any other friends. And growing up, I never had one. There would be nights where I would question myself and question God as to why others could have the closeness with another person, but I was without that. It bothered me all the way through high school until I just left it alone. I had tons of friends, so why complain? Little did I know, however, that God has plans for our walk and answers our prayers, just not at the times we want Him to.

As I was planning out how my future in missions would look, God decided to place an individual in my path to not only encounter this journey with me, but to help me grow in Christ with him. And of all people, this individual was my last guess as to who God would chose to put in my life to help me strengthen my relationship with Jesus.

It was mid November and I was awake late at night praying and worshipping God when I came across a post about God transforming this young man's life. This young man happened to be the same guy who influenced me my junior year to get involved in partying and things that drew me away from my Abba. Little did I know that God was about to teach me forgiveness in the weirdest way possible. By uniting two people whom would never thought would be friends again after high school. I knew the guy one year and after I gave my life completely to Christ, I never really spoke to him. We were headed into two separate directions, but now... now he did the unthinkable. He realized the path he was on had an end he knew he didn't want to reach. So he simply turned in the opposite direction and fought Satan head on to get back to Jesus.

This whole sudden transformation has happened to many of my friends who are caught up in addiction or lack of faith, and what usually happens is a sudden spiritual high then a defeat followed by a reentering to their old life, but this.... this was different. For some odd reason, I saw potential. For the first time, I saw transformation happening in this boy just by reading the compassion in his post. He meant it... He really meant it. Not 30 minutes later did this guy randomly call me telling me what had just happened in his life. That very next day we hung out and....well.... haven't really stopped. In fact, I went from having one bible study alone once every month to a bible study every other day with my brother in Christ. From Matthew to Revelation, we are encountering Christ together. And we will continue to pursue this unfathomable God together.

In Luke 10:1-4 it says, "After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them on ahead of him, two by two, into every town and place where he himself was about to go. 2 And he said to them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest. 3 Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves. 4 Carry no moneybag, no knapsack, no sandals, and greet no one on the road."
After both me and my new brother discovered this verse, we smiled with Joy and realized the very reason God put is together. So that we may strengthen and lengthen the kingdom of God through His love and power. He is going to YWAM with me. He is coming with me to the Dominican in 11 days and again this summer for a month. Me and Him are experiencing life together. And the transformation won't start when these trips occur, for it has already begun! Every week, we have started leading Bible studies together with new believers who are needing guidance.

God truly works wonders in the oddest of ways. This man has gone from a friend, to a stranger, to a brother! And my forgiveness for him stretches over the ends of the earth. For I would have never met him if I hadn't been invited to those parties..... God works things out and lets things happen so that He may receive the glory. We were both prodigal sons who just came home at different times. But we came back to the same Father who loved us just the same. After years of prayer for that one friend who I can have this closeness to than others can.. God answered my prayer.. and then some. He not only gave me a best friend.. He gave me a fellow disciple who is SAVED and who loves Jesus more than he loves himself. I am proud to call him my brother!

So ladies and gents... That is what is going on right now. I am being continuously left with my jaw to the floor due to the amazing power God shows me. I am undeserving and I need nothing but to be left for dead.. but God loved me so much that he brings me to life every single day. I am destined for Hell, but my God redeems me every second. I should be struck dead but Christ brings life through every breath I take.

Selfless Christmas, Selfless Christianity

Every year, it has been the same for just about everyone. Christmas break hits and that means sleeping in, praying that you receive what you wanted for Christmas, Acknowledging God for a split second on his birthday, and stuffing your face with festive goods that will throw you in such a guilt that you make a new years resolution to run it all off only to give up two weeks down the road. And this continues to happen over and over and over again. And your children do it, and their children do it, and so on and so on and so on.... 

I woke up this morning with that very mentality. I had just spent weeks stressing and cramming for midterm exams, and all I wanted to think about was sleeping in. I woke up to a text reminding me that today was the day my ministry group visits the communities in East Nashville to give away coats and presents to those who can't afford such things. To be honest, I tried my hardest to get out of going. I was tired, it was raining, and the last thing I wanted to do was stand out in the rain and serve people who didn't say thank you and gave me evil looks. But every single excuse turned into a resolution. "My parents won't let me go without an adult." "oh," chimed my friend Allison. "Well, our Bible teacher said she could go." 

So I stomped out of bed and slowly drove my way to the Edge hill community. As we were handing out coats - Me, Ms. Trotter, and Isaac - I began to step back and realize that my attitude was in no way following up with the type of person I was proclaiming to be. In Colossians 3: 14-17 it states, "14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." 

What was I thinking? Who was I to be frustrated with how my day was going? I should be joyful, loving, and an exact resemblance with how Christ lived when He walked this earth. And above all else, it was Christmas. A holiday of not just giving, but of sacrificing. This season, God sent a savior in the form of a child who grew up only to die in our place. Why should I, after hearing that, spend any second being sluggish and iffy about spreading the love of God to those struggling to simply love themselves. 

After realizing the importance of how my day could have played out, I received a call about a struggling family who lost their mother in a car wreck. I was asked to visit with the family who lived in East Nashville, next to the Maple wood area, and tell them that our church family was going to help them. As we entered the home, a strong stench of urine reeked the place. There were bugs scrambling left and right. They have three living in the small house, 1 of them being a grandmother who is very ill and a little boy who is only 4 years old. the youngest child shares a bed with the oldest son. Every night the child pees in the bed and both continue to sleep in it due to not having anywhere else to lay their head. 

Looking back at my morning at how my mood was, how my attitude was towards the day that lay ahead (only because I wanted to sleep in), guilt resided over me. What happened to living that selfless walk Landon? What happened to spending yourself for the weak and broken hearted? God opened my eyes tonight. More so, God broke my heart in places that needed to be broken. To me, holidays are filled with comfort and family while others are burying their loved ones along with their Christmas. 

Please remember as you go about your holidays that maybe the gift your hoping for, isn't something you really need. Or that money your saving up to buy a gift for your significant other, could go towards buying a family a decent bed to sleep in without waking up the next morning reeking of bodily fluids. Remember that Christ first loved us, so we should also love one another. I love you all and have a very merry Christmas. 

Giving away coats to children and adults

The faces of joy.. utter, raw joy

Brokenness aside

Tonight, I became broken. Tonight, I reached the end of my rope. Tonight, it was hard to see the bright side of things or any hint that things would get better. Tonight, I was lost. I know it may be hard for some of you to understand how close I am to my boys back in the Dominican Republic, but let me just tell you this. When i see a photo of them, I tear up. When I dream about them (which has been every night for the past week) I wake up crying. When other children laugh or smile around me, it feels as if they are actually sitting right next to me. I go throughout my day battling tears and tackling with letting misery take over my heart. I would be lying if I said I don't worry. I would be lying if I said I haven't grown angry with God over the last couple of months. The only way I can seem to put my heart and struggle into words is that this...is...hard.

why why why is all I can seem to ask God. Why am I here? Why do I dream about my boys? Why can't I just go and never come back. Why don't people understand? Why don't I understand? Why don't you understand? Why are you letting this happen to me? Why is it that I can sleep comfortably at night with a full stomach yet my boys have to go cold and hungry? why...why...why...

I don't know why this is happening, and I don't know what is going on with my kids back in the DR, but what I have come to know is that these issues are for God to take care of, not me. I don't need to know all the answers. In due time, God will reveal to me what needs to be revealed. In due time God will place my boys in my arms, but until then I need to praise Him in my weakness. I need to trust Him in my times of trouble. I need not to doubt for it is foolish to have trust issues with God. I need patience and understanding. I need His word. I need Jesus!

All of this has become unbearable and heart breaking, but all of this has also taught me that brokenness aside, God is who He says He is and He will take care of His children. Including me and the ones that have stolen my heart.

Psalms 34:18,
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Help Carlito go to school!

Abba, I belong to You!

A month ago, I asked God to break me. I wanted to test my faith. I desired to be stretched for Christ. I was sick and tired of reading about people in the Bible who died, cried, and gave up literally everything for the same God that I talked about and lived for so casually. And God being the God He is, did just that. He stretched me, broke me, and ripped my heart wide open. It happened so fast that I was unable to process what was happening. 

From two failed history tests, three late papers, and a D in history, to a speeding ticket and insomnia kicking back in, I began to feel completely and utterly hopeless. In my immediate anger, I released everything I could on my parents, friends, siblings, and myself. And Some people always point to girls when the word insecurity arises, but man.... I don't think I have ever felt so insecure about what people thought about me. I told myself everyday how dumb I was, how awkward I was, and how I would never come up to the standards I assumed my parents set for me. I created so many unreal scenarios inside my head that caused me to forget who the true healer of all pains, worries, and trials was. My Abba. 

I believe God allowed the world around me to seem caved in so that I would run back into His arms. Truth is, Him and I both knew I was growing distant. I became so infatuated with serving others that I forgot to make time to let My Daddy hold me. I started out with this huge bucket of water and I was to stubborn to realize that my once full to the brim basin was now dried out. I needed to be replenished. 

On Wednesday, I walked into my first worship service in weeks. I came in carrying all of my baggage and as the music began to play, my back grew heavier and heavier. I want to seem strong. I want to seem like I have this life figured out. I want to be able to have it all together. I don't want to be this failure who can't carry his own weight, but what I had forgotten to realize is that some of this weight isn't mine to carry. If it was then there would be no reason to have God look His only son in the eyes and say, "I want you to die for these children.... For my children." 

As the music made its way into my heart the spirit caused me to fall on my knees. Never in my entire life have I fallen to my knees. I have raised my hands, cried my eyes out, and shouted out His name on the top of my lungs, but never have my legs bent and crumbled under me. Well, on that day of worship my whole body grew weary. It was time to just surrender. It was time to let go and have my Poppa hold me again. 

God broke me. He tore me open. And if that's what it takes to get me to notice that my Father is never ever ever going to let me take on this world alone, then I ask that it happens over and over again. 

" I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. " - John 16:33

" Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. " - Matthew 11:28