Hey everyone! I don't know who still reads these, but if you are, you're awesome and I love you! So, In case you didn't know, In just 3 weeks I will be boarding a plane back to the Dominican Republic and will be gone until September. However, unlike last year, I will be accompanied by my best friend this time around. His name is Blake Smith, and after rededicating his life to Christ in December, Christ layed both of us on the same path: Making disciples! God has so many things planned for our ministry this summer, and I can't wait to see what unfolds!
I want to so badly take every minute out of everyday and focus on the trip, but I don't think I have ever been so busy in my life. Last year, things were simpler, but this guy right here is graduating in just 5 days. And the school decided to have finals, graduation, and an end of the year play all in the same week, so my blog post today will be rather brief considering the fact that I have a Literature paper and economics flash cards laying right infront of me.
To take a step back and look at my life last year compared to now literally leaves me speechless. I am amazed at the work God has done on my heart followed by the extreme power and grace that has trailed behind it. I have fallen and cried and grown. My faith has been tested and temptation won sometimes, but my love for God and His love for me never changed. And look at me now. I am getting on a plane to go and serve His children. The children that don't know what a father is. The ones who don't have "love" in their dictionary. Of all people... He chose me to do this... I am so undeserving and so unworthy yet he sends me. God is way more loving and bigger than I could ever imagined.
Well, this is goodbye until I can get past finals and graduation. Peace out!
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
One Tribe
So, I was recently chosen to receive an award for a paper I wrote at my school that revolved around unity. I wanted to share it with people so here it is. Enjoy :)
Stories of third world
countries and starving villages across the globe cause confusion, anger, and
sadness in the hearts of Americans followed by the question of, “Why God?” The reality is some of those people starving,
dying, and sick have never even asked that question themselves, because a faith
in Jesus is all they can afford. In South Sudan, there are Christians being
persecuted daily. Within the walls of accusation, judgment, and hatred towards
the Christian faith lay the painful consequences of calling yourself a Christ
follower. If you want to see Biblical persecution face to face, travel to South
Sudan. But where there is persecution, there is also unity. There is a unity
that cannot be broken; a unity that fights its way through until no man is left
breathing; a unity between martyrs.
As the rain fell one night in a small Christian village
on the outskirts of South Sudan, sounds of praise overpowered the muffled
gunshots being fired continuously miles away. In war, worshiping God had the
most power. It overpowered fear. It
conquered anxiety, and it destroyed any doubt. Nothing seemed more beautiful
than witnessing hundreds of villagers lifting hands and lifting songs up to a
God that can’t be seen by anyone who lives a better life than the bone visible
tribes giving all they had in a few worship songs and scripture. At the center
of this tribe lay a unity never before seen. This group of people knew of the
death they could face for proclaiming the word of God, and not only went about
proclaiming it, but did so together. They, physically poor yet spiritually
ripe, brought up revival among their mud huts and dirt roads. As bullets fired
in neighboring tribes, their ministry intensified. When danger drew near, unity
grew stronger. Praises rang louder, and disciples multiplied. As the tribe’s
days were surely numbered, fear was non-existent.
It was an early Sunday morning when the first round of
gunshots were fired at the village guards. Muslim militia surrounded the
village waiting anxiously for riot and chaos to ensue, but stillness startled
the men. Slowly, one by one, the villagers came out of their homes. The militia
were not hesitant with them. The first ten to exit were shot dead, six of them
recently baptized the previous week. As blood replaced the brown dirt,
villagers began singing hymns and gathering together in the chapel as if it
were a normal Sunday. Although they knew death was literally minutes away, they
did not let fear take away their faith in the one who once sacrificed all He
had for them.
Guards surrounded the church and pulled every church
member out and onto the street. Holding hands, the villagers arose from the
dirt and stood strong against the face of evil. “Father, forgive them,” cried
an eleven year old boy whose tear-stained eyes began fixing up into the
heavens. His mother lay dead in front of him. At this moment, the soldiers
stood in front of them, loading their guns. “You will fear us by the end of
today. All of you, Christians! For miles, this story of victory among Muslims
will be told!” snarled the commander. “The only one we fear is the One who sent
us here to die for His sake,” said a teenage boy as he clutched his mother and
baby sister’s hand with all the strength he had left. Immediately, after the
boy proclaimed his statement, an elderly woman fell to her knees weeping. “I
have waited eighty years for this day. Today, I will get to meet the One who
has never left my side.” The pastor of the village placed a hand on her
shoulder and softly spoke, “We all will together.” The laughter of the militia
intensified as they readied their aim. “Fire!” yelled the commander.
As flames arose from the huts, angels arose from the
dirt. It wasn’t just villagers who died that day. It was a tribe. It was
Christians. What remained was the truth of what unity means. Unity isn’t those
who stay strong with creation. True and utter unity is those who stay strong with
their Creator, no matter what tragedy may come. No height, nor depth could
explain the true love a Father has for His children and His children for their
Father. To be unified in the face of death is the strongest type of unity there
is.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Living out a dream that's not my own
Who knew that three years from Sophomore year I would be investing my time into hundreds of poverty stricken children who lack the love of Jesus let alone investing my time in a relationship with Jesus Himself. Who knew that one week long trip three years ago would turn into a life long commitment. Who knew that one teen convention three years ago at Lee University would light a spark in my heart for cross cultural missions. Who knew that a conversation with a woman pursuing medical missions three years ago would cause a longing to see hungry children fed physically and spiritually. Who knew that a personal dream to pursue acting would turn into God's dream for me to pursue children and teens hungry for grace in the Dominican Republic. Who knew.....
I have had to sit down and process what occurred on my previous trip back to the DR last week. I can honestly say it hasn't been anything like the other three trips, including my two month journey there over summer break. Hearts were broken, relationships grew, and Jesus impacted lives like never before... including mine. I went into this trip with a plan, not only for the week but for what was to happen afterwards as well. All of it.... my plans.. my future... was shattered. I can't really tell when it hit me that God had a bigger plan for me and the Dominican Republic. So much happened in the little amount of time that we were there that I really don't know what to think. All I know is that I had plans to attend a 6 month program called YWAM when I returned home after this summer, and now God just wants me to go ahead and move there.
It all could have hit me when I sat down with Elmun, a boy I have grown to love over the past 3 years, and saw his broken spirit as he explained that his father drinks too much and sometimes lays his hands on the child. It could have hit me when I saw a little boy who hadn't eaten in several days, yet walked up front during an alter call to accept Jesus. It all could have hit me when I held 7 year old Chino in my arms as He cried out for God to enter his heart. All of these impacting moments made me realize something. God doesn't need me in 2 years when I graduate a discipleship program. He doesn't need me when I have a college diploma in my hand or when I find my wife. He needs me now.... there are children who need the gospel now... there are prostitutes, gang members, and drug users who need the gospel of the living Jesus Christ now...
There is this ocean. And this ocean is deep and dark and no man would dare enter it... but my Abba is asking me to dive right in with no hesitation. With love comes trust, faith, and sacrifice. This ocean.. this sea on unknown is the Dominican. It is my Ninevah. When I arrive, i have no idea what will happen... but that's the best part. I have wanted to plan out and know exactly what I will be doing for my entire life. There has been no trust or faith or sacrifice to hold up the meaning of my love for Jesus. And now... If I want to love God with all of my heart and with abandonment, I must sacrifice. I must have faith that when moments of unknown come my way.. I will not fall to hesitation. I will rise. I will rise above the waves of the powerful ocean and take hold of Christ's hand just as Peter did when he turned his eyes away from the Lord. I want Jesus.. I want him now and tomorrow and the next day and for eternity. If there is no proof backing up my audible "I love yous" then how can I live out this dream of being with Jesus for eternity..... And it hits me... for us to be rewarded with our dreams of eternity with Jesus.. we must fulfill God's dreams for us. And with love and action and truth.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
The Love of a Father
Today, something amazing happened. A man by the name of "Papa Joe" came to our school to give his life story and the meaning behind the movie created after him called "Unconditional" (Which I highly recommend) To summarize his testimony, Papa Joe grew up with a rough life centered around pride and an absence of a father figure. As he grew up and after a serious downfall in his life leading to 8 years in prison, Joe encountered what it meant to love and be loved by a Father who would never leave or abandon Him. A father that is always protecting and prospering His children that choose to surrender to Him. After being released from Prison, Papa Joe moved down to a very poor area in Nashville where he met his wife and began a new life with her.
Something amazing happened within those first few months in the projects. God gave Joe a heart for children. And not just your average child, but the ones who were broken and without fathers. one after another, children began to gravitate to his home and as his ministry began to grow, so did the love and power of Christ through Papa Joe. He went from just handing out candy to kids, to feeding entire communities and mentoring kids all across Nashville and the rest of the country.
I think it was God's doing bringing that man to my school, for his words and testimony is exactly what I've been needing to hear. At this moment, I have over 100 children in the Dominican who desire a relationship with both an earthly and heavenly father. When I see his ministry, I can picture what I want mine to look like in the upcoming years. I don't see college on this road I'm walking, nor do I see a big house with a cheeky "suburban" family and luxurious lifestyle. But what I do see is myself after a long day, covered in dirt and sweat from helping, loving, and serving the least of these. And in my eyes... right now the least of these are those children who are growing up in homes that are bound to cave in on them if they don't have a father figure to hold up the foundation. I could easily brush this dire need off my shoulder and say "someone else will do it" or I can get up, pack my things, die to myself, and live the rest of my life thriving and loving as Jesus did. I am on this earth to be in complete surrender to God, not in complete surrender to comfort.
I look at Chino, Nino, Angel Manuel, and Angelica Maria, who have lost their father to suicide, and wonder who in the world is going to take them in. Then I ask God... "Did you Oh Lord.. want me.. of all people.. to guide these children." and the Bible verse Matthew 25:35-40 comes to my mind and pierces my heart.
" For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me."
As these finals days of preparation for my return to the Dominican Republic approach, I am overwhelmed with the sure fact that in just days I will get to go on a plane, walk into one of the most dirtiest and dangerous neighborhoods, walk up to Chino, Nino, Manuel, and Angelica Maria and give them the biggest hug you could possibly imagine. And I love them, not because they are poor... or because they have no Father.... but because when I see them.. I see Jesus. And I am to treat these beautifully broken children as I would treat my Abba Father. God bless you all and please keep me and the teams in your prayers as we venture out into the unknown next Monday.
Something amazing happened within those first few months in the projects. God gave Joe a heart for children. And not just your average child, but the ones who were broken and without fathers. one after another, children began to gravitate to his home and as his ministry began to grow, so did the love and power of Christ through Papa Joe. He went from just handing out candy to kids, to feeding entire communities and mentoring kids all across Nashville and the rest of the country.
I think it was God's doing bringing that man to my school, for his words and testimony is exactly what I've been needing to hear. At this moment, I have over 100 children in the Dominican who desire a relationship with both an earthly and heavenly father. When I see his ministry, I can picture what I want mine to look like in the upcoming years. I don't see college on this road I'm walking, nor do I see a big house with a cheeky "suburban" family and luxurious lifestyle. But what I do see is myself after a long day, covered in dirt and sweat from helping, loving, and serving the least of these. And in my eyes... right now the least of these are those children who are growing up in homes that are bound to cave in on them if they don't have a father figure to hold up the foundation. I could easily brush this dire need off my shoulder and say "someone else will do it" or I can get up, pack my things, die to myself, and live the rest of my life thriving and loving as Jesus did. I am on this earth to be in complete surrender to God, not in complete surrender to comfort.
I look at Chino, Nino, Angel Manuel, and Angelica Maria, who have lost their father to suicide, and wonder who in the world is going to take them in. Then I ask God... "Did you Oh Lord.. want me.. of all people.. to guide these children." and the Bible verse Matthew 25:35-40 comes to my mind and pierces my heart.
" For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me."
As these finals days of preparation for my return to the Dominican Republic approach, I am overwhelmed with the sure fact that in just days I will get to go on a plane, walk into one of the most dirtiest and dangerous neighborhoods, walk up to Chino, Nino, Manuel, and Angelica Maria and give them the biggest hug you could possibly imagine. And I love them, not because they are poor... or because they have no Father.... but because when I see them.. I see Jesus. And I am to treat these beautifully broken children as I would treat my Abba Father. God bless you all and please keep me and the teams in your prayers as we venture out into the unknown next Monday.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
A friend. A brother.
Hey everyone! It has been a while, I know! After 12 years of schooling I am still trying to figure this stuff out. I am now at T-minus 11 days until I return to the Dominican Republic for a 1 week mission trip with my school. It is tough to enter a country for a short amount of time after you've spent an entire summer there, but I'm just happy that in under two short weeks I will be reunited with the same wonderful hugs and kisses from the same wonderful kids that stole my heart this time two years ago.
On another note, God has been doing some amazing work in my life. To start, After going to a Christian convention called "One Thing" with my senior class in December, God has placed a 6 month program called YWAM in my path. I will be attending classes late August. But before I get to the direction God has me headed in, I'd like to talk about someone who he has placed in my life to walk this road of wonder and unknown with me. No relatives who always ask if I have a girlfriend, it is not one of those bizarre creatures. Rather, it is someone I have been praying for God to place in my life for a very long time. For years, in fact.
For the longest time, I was very very infatuated in finding a "bestfriend". Everyone around me all my life had at least one person that they grew closer to than any other friends. And growing up, I never had one. There would be nights where I would question myself and question God as to why others could have the closeness with another person, but I was without that. It bothered me all the way through high school until I just left it alone. I had tons of friends, so why complain? Little did I know, however, that God has plans for our walk and answers our prayers, just not at the times we want Him to.
As I was planning out how my future in missions would look, God decided to place an individual in my path to not only encounter this journey with me, but to help me grow in Christ with him. And of all people, this individual was my last guess as to who God would chose to put in my life to help me strengthen my relationship with Jesus.
It was mid November and I was awake late at night praying and worshipping God when I came across a post about God transforming this young man's life. This young man happened to be the same guy who influenced me my junior year to get involved in partying and things that drew me away from my Abba. Little did I know that God was about to teach me forgiveness in the weirdest way possible. By uniting two people whom would never thought would be friends again after high school. I knew the guy one year and after I gave my life completely to Christ, I never really spoke to him. We were headed into two separate directions, but now... now he did the unthinkable. He realized the path he was on had an end he knew he didn't want to reach. So he simply turned in the opposite direction and fought Satan head on to get back to Jesus.
This whole sudden transformation has happened to many of my friends who are caught up in addiction or lack of faith, and what usually happens is a sudden spiritual high then a defeat followed by a reentering to their old life, but this.... this was different. For some odd reason, I saw potential. For the first time, I saw transformation happening in this boy just by reading the compassion in his post. He meant it... He really meant it. Not 30 minutes later did this guy randomly call me telling me what had just happened in his life. That very next day we hung out and....well.... haven't really stopped. In fact, I went from having one bible study alone once every month to a bible study every other day with my brother in Christ. From Matthew to Revelation, we are encountering Christ together. And we will continue to pursue this unfathomable God together.
In Luke 10:1-4 it says, "After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them on ahead of him, two by two, into every town and place where he himself was about to go. 2 And he said to them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest. 3 Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves. 4 Carry no moneybag, no knapsack, no sandals, and greet no one on the road."
After both me and my new brother discovered this verse, we smiled with Joy and realized the very reason God put is together. So that we may strengthen and lengthen the kingdom of God through His love and power. He is going to YWAM with me. He is coming with me to the Dominican in 11 days and again this summer for a month. Me and Him are experiencing life together. And the transformation won't start when these trips occur, for it has already begun! Every week, we have started leading Bible studies together with new believers who are needing guidance.
God truly works wonders in the oddest of ways. This man has gone from a friend, to a stranger, to a brother! And my forgiveness for him stretches over the ends of the earth. For I would have never met him if I hadn't been invited to those parties..... God works things out and lets things happen so that He may receive the glory. We were both prodigal sons who just came home at different times. But we came back to the same Father who loved us just the same. After years of prayer for that one friend who I can have this closeness to than others can.. God answered my prayer.. and then some. He not only gave me a best friend.. He gave me a fellow disciple who is SAVED and who loves Jesus more than he loves himself. I am proud to call him my brother!
So ladies and gents... That is what is going on right now. I am being continuously left with my jaw to the floor due to the amazing power God shows me. I am undeserving and I need nothing but to be left for dead.. but God loved me so much that he brings me to life every single day. I am destined for Hell, but my God redeems me every second. I should be struck dead but Christ brings life through every breath I take.
On another note, God has been doing some amazing work in my life. To start, After going to a Christian convention called "One Thing" with my senior class in December, God has placed a 6 month program called YWAM in my path. I will be attending classes late August. But before I get to the direction God has me headed in, I'd like to talk about someone who he has placed in my life to walk this road of wonder and unknown with me. No relatives who always ask if I have a girlfriend, it is not one of those bizarre creatures. Rather, it is someone I have been praying for God to place in my life for a very long time. For years, in fact.
For the longest time, I was very very infatuated in finding a "bestfriend". Everyone around me all my life had at least one person that they grew closer to than any other friends. And growing up, I never had one. There would be nights where I would question myself and question God as to why others could have the closeness with another person, but I was without that. It bothered me all the way through high school until I just left it alone. I had tons of friends, so why complain? Little did I know, however, that God has plans for our walk and answers our prayers, just not at the times we want Him to.
As I was planning out how my future in missions would look, God decided to place an individual in my path to not only encounter this journey with me, but to help me grow in Christ with him. And of all people, this individual was my last guess as to who God would chose to put in my life to help me strengthen my relationship with Jesus.
It was mid November and I was awake late at night praying and worshipping God when I came across a post about God transforming this young man's life. This young man happened to be the same guy who influenced me my junior year to get involved in partying and things that drew me away from my Abba. Little did I know that God was about to teach me forgiveness in the weirdest way possible. By uniting two people whom would never thought would be friends again after high school. I knew the guy one year and after I gave my life completely to Christ, I never really spoke to him. We were headed into two separate directions, but now... now he did the unthinkable. He realized the path he was on had an end he knew he didn't want to reach. So he simply turned in the opposite direction and fought Satan head on to get back to Jesus.
This whole sudden transformation has happened to many of my friends who are caught up in addiction or lack of faith, and what usually happens is a sudden spiritual high then a defeat followed by a reentering to their old life, but this.... this was different. For some odd reason, I saw potential. For the first time, I saw transformation happening in this boy just by reading the compassion in his post. He meant it... He really meant it. Not 30 minutes later did this guy randomly call me telling me what had just happened in his life. That very next day we hung out and....well.... haven't really stopped. In fact, I went from having one bible study alone once every month to a bible study every other day with my brother in Christ. From Matthew to Revelation, we are encountering Christ together. And we will continue to pursue this unfathomable God together.
In Luke 10:1-4 it says, "After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them on ahead of him, two by two, into every town and place where he himself was about to go. 2 And he said to them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest. 3 Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves. 4 Carry no moneybag, no knapsack, no sandals, and greet no one on the road."
After both me and my new brother discovered this verse, we smiled with Joy and realized the very reason God put is together. So that we may strengthen and lengthen the kingdom of God through His love and power. He is going to YWAM with me. He is coming with me to the Dominican in 11 days and again this summer for a month. Me and Him are experiencing life together. And the transformation won't start when these trips occur, for it has already begun! Every week, we have started leading Bible studies together with new believers who are needing guidance.
God truly works wonders in the oddest of ways. This man has gone from a friend, to a stranger, to a brother! And my forgiveness for him stretches over the ends of the earth. For I would have never met him if I hadn't been invited to those parties..... God works things out and lets things happen so that He may receive the glory. We were both prodigal sons who just came home at different times. But we came back to the same Father who loved us just the same. After years of prayer for that one friend who I can have this closeness to than others can.. God answered my prayer.. and then some. He not only gave me a best friend.. He gave me a fellow disciple who is SAVED and who loves Jesus more than he loves himself. I am proud to call him my brother!
So ladies and gents... That is what is going on right now. I am being continuously left with my jaw to the floor due to the amazing power God shows me. I am undeserving and I need nothing but to be left for dead.. but God loved me so much that he brings me to life every single day. I am destined for Hell, but my God redeems me every second. I should be struck dead but Christ brings life through every breath I take.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Selfless Christmas, Selfless Christianity
Every year, it has been the same for just about everyone. Christmas break hits and that means sleeping in, praying that you receive what you wanted for Christmas, Acknowledging God for a split second on his birthday, and stuffing your face with festive goods that will throw you in such a guilt that you make a new years resolution to run it all off only to give up two weeks down the road. And this continues to happen over and over and over again. And your children do it, and their children do it, and so on and so on and so on....
I woke up this morning with that very mentality. I had just spent weeks stressing and cramming for midterm exams, and all I wanted to think about was sleeping in. I woke up to a text reminding me that today was the day my ministry group visits the communities in East Nashville to give away coats and presents to those who can't afford such things. To be honest, I tried my hardest to get out of going. I was tired, it was raining, and the last thing I wanted to do was stand out in the rain and serve people who didn't say thank you and gave me evil looks. But every single excuse turned into a resolution. "My parents won't let me go without an adult." "oh," chimed my friend Allison. "Well, our Bible teacher said she could go."
So I stomped out of bed and slowly drove my way to the Edge hill community. As we were handing out coats - Me, Ms. Trotter, and Isaac - I began to step back and realize that my attitude was in no way following up with the type of person I was proclaiming to be. In Colossians 3: 14-17 it states, "14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
What was I thinking? Who was I to be frustrated with how my day was going? I should be joyful, loving, and an exact resemblance with how Christ lived when He walked this earth. And above all else, it was Christmas. A holiday of not just giving, but of sacrificing. This season, God sent a savior in the form of a child who grew up only to die in our place. Why should I, after hearing that, spend any second being sluggish and iffy about spreading the love of God to those struggling to simply love themselves.
After realizing the importance of how my day could have played out, I received a call about a struggling family who lost their mother in a car wreck. I was asked to visit with the family who lived in East Nashville, next to the Maple wood area, and tell them that our church family was going to help them. As we entered the home, a strong stench of urine reeked the place. There were bugs scrambling left and right. They have three living in the small house, 1 of them being a grandmother who is very ill and a little boy who is only 4 years old. the youngest child shares a bed with the oldest son. Every night the child pees in the bed and both continue to sleep in it due to not having anywhere else to lay their head.
Looking back at my morning at how my mood was, how my attitude was towards the day that lay ahead (only because I wanted to sleep in), guilt resided over me. What happened to living that selfless walk Landon? What happened to spending yourself for the weak and broken hearted? God opened my eyes tonight. More so, God broke my heart in places that needed to be broken. To me, holidays are filled with comfort and family while others are burying their loved ones along with their Christmas.
Please remember as you go about your holidays that maybe the gift your hoping for, isn't something you really need. Or that money your saving up to buy a gift for your significant other, could go towards buying a family a decent bed to sleep in without waking up the next morning reeking of bodily fluids. Remember that Christ first loved us, so we should also love one another. I love you all and have a very merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning with that very mentality. I had just spent weeks stressing and cramming for midterm exams, and all I wanted to think about was sleeping in. I woke up to a text reminding me that today was the day my ministry group visits the communities in East Nashville to give away coats and presents to those who can't afford such things. To be honest, I tried my hardest to get out of going. I was tired, it was raining, and the last thing I wanted to do was stand out in the rain and serve people who didn't say thank you and gave me evil looks. But every single excuse turned into a resolution. "My parents won't let me go without an adult." "oh," chimed my friend Allison. "Well, our Bible teacher said she could go."
So I stomped out of bed and slowly drove my way to the Edge hill community. As we were handing out coats - Me, Ms. Trotter, and Isaac - I began to step back and realize that my attitude was in no way following up with the type of person I was proclaiming to be. In Colossians 3: 14-17 it states, "14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
What was I thinking? Who was I to be frustrated with how my day was going? I should be joyful, loving, and an exact resemblance with how Christ lived when He walked this earth. And above all else, it was Christmas. A holiday of not just giving, but of sacrificing. This season, God sent a savior in the form of a child who grew up only to die in our place. Why should I, after hearing that, spend any second being sluggish and iffy about spreading the love of God to those struggling to simply love themselves.
After realizing the importance of how my day could have played out, I received a call about a struggling family who lost their mother in a car wreck. I was asked to visit with the family who lived in East Nashville, next to the Maple wood area, and tell them that our church family was going to help them. As we entered the home, a strong stench of urine reeked the place. There were bugs scrambling left and right. They have three living in the small house, 1 of them being a grandmother who is very ill and a little boy who is only 4 years old. the youngest child shares a bed with the oldest son. Every night the child pees in the bed and both continue to sleep in it due to not having anywhere else to lay their head.
Looking back at my morning at how my mood was, how my attitude was towards the day that lay ahead (only because I wanted to sleep in), guilt resided over me. What happened to living that selfless walk Landon? What happened to spending yourself for the weak and broken hearted? God opened my eyes tonight. More so, God broke my heart in places that needed to be broken. To me, holidays are filled with comfort and family while others are burying their loved ones along with their Christmas.
Please remember as you go about your holidays that maybe the gift your hoping for, isn't something you really need. Or that money your saving up to buy a gift for your significant other, could go towards buying a family a decent bed to sleep in without waking up the next morning reeking of bodily fluids. Remember that Christ first loved us, so we should also love one another. I love you all and have a very merry Christmas.
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| Giving away coats to children and adults |
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| The faces of joy.. utter, raw joy |
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Brokenness aside
Tonight, I became broken. Tonight, I reached the end of my rope. Tonight, it was hard to see the bright side of things or any hint that things would get better. Tonight, I was lost. I know it may be hard for some of you to understand how close I am to my boys back in the Dominican Republic, but let me just tell you this. When i see a photo of them, I tear up. When I dream about them (which has been every night for the past week) I wake up crying. When other children laugh or smile around me, it feels as if they are actually sitting right next to me. I go throughout my day battling tears and tackling with letting misery take over my heart. I would be lying if I said I don't worry. I would be lying if I said I haven't grown angry with God over the last couple of months. The only way I can seem to put my heart and struggle into words is that this...is...hard.
why why why is all I can seem to ask God. Why am I here? Why do I dream about my boys? Why can't I just go and never come back. Why don't people understand? Why don't I understand? Why don't you understand? Why are you letting this happen to me? Why is it that I can sleep comfortably at night with a full stomach yet my boys have to go cold and hungry? why...why...why...
I don't know why this is happening, and I don't know what is going on with my kids back in the DR, but what I have come to know is that these issues are for God to take care of, not me. I don't need to know all the answers. In due time, God will reveal to me what needs to be revealed. In due time God will place my boys in my arms, but until then I need to praise Him in my weakness. I need to trust Him in my times of trouble. I need not to doubt for it is foolish to have trust issues with God. I need patience and understanding. I need His word. I need Jesus!
All of this has become unbearable and heart breaking, but all of this has also taught me that brokenness aside, God is who He says He is and He will take care of His children. Including me and the ones that have stolen my heart.
Psalms 34:18,
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
why why why is all I can seem to ask God. Why am I here? Why do I dream about my boys? Why can't I just go and never come back. Why don't people understand? Why don't I understand? Why don't you understand? Why are you letting this happen to me? Why is it that I can sleep comfortably at night with a full stomach yet my boys have to go cold and hungry? why...why...why...
I don't know why this is happening, and I don't know what is going on with my kids back in the DR, but what I have come to know is that these issues are for God to take care of, not me. I don't need to know all the answers. In due time, God will reveal to me what needs to be revealed. In due time God will place my boys in my arms, but until then I need to praise Him in my weakness. I need to trust Him in my times of trouble. I need not to doubt for it is foolish to have trust issues with God. I need patience and understanding. I need His word. I need Jesus!
All of this has become unbearable and heart breaking, but all of this has also taught me that brokenness aside, God is who He says He is and He will take care of His children. Including me and the ones that have stolen my heart.
Psalms 34:18,
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
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